April 24, 2010
Dear Sasha:
Thank you for contacting me about this situation. It seems that your university’s graduating project is already challenging the integrity and strength of every individual involved. All the students who will leave this school of social work with letters behind their name and every staff member who promoted this and allowed this to move forward.
I understand the fear that many students might have to make a wave in the process of completing this course and I am sorry to throw the wrench in the spoke and to stand up for the respect and dignity of my life, and to so soon bring a real world situation to your hearts and minds before leaving the university. I invite you to relook what you have learned and what you are now practicing and determine whether this situation is considered professional conduct becoming of a university and its students. Did any student ever ask if I there was written permission to allow this project to move forward? First rule is get permission in writing isn’t that what you’re taught? This goes to show you that you can’t trust a system designed to instill the ethics and professionalism required by the social work standard. It doesn’t get much better out there. I consider this excellent practice.
I am sure that time, money and all the hard work that has been done by 400 students might look at this and say what’s the big deal? And continue with the process to step out into the world and practice all they have been taught. Really what is this teaching everyone now? That I am a commodity worth dismissing? That my life doesn’t deserve the respect as a human being because it is teaching you all something? What is it you all are learning? How to ignore this situation so that everyone can move forward in your lives? That integrity and ethics only works in theory but won’t really matter in the real world?
I ask you these questions not to judge anyone for I know this is a difficult challenge in the minds of many. What I will ask of all to look inside. I would say that you could ask your spirits but the education system is much like the military. It teaches conformity and if you stray from that then you cannot be counted amongst those who have earned the title of social workers. It steals your spirit and replaces it with fear, zealousness, ambition and or self importance in some cases.
Many of you have whole heartedly entered this field for the simple reason of healing the personal wounds you all carry. To give away heals the heart, somewhere there it sometimes gets lost. My medicine teacher once told me we go into the field to heal ourselves. I believe it is true. For some the wounds of the past will always keep the boat from rocking too far in any direction and that’s okay. Some don’t have it to take this step. This kind of work is not for everyone.
I am sure that every social worker envisions the change and difference they will make in the world and that is very important. I hope you all walk out with a personal level of integrity because the thing about integrity is that “it is what you do when no one is looking that counts” because the only one who will know is you. I was taught integrity means without stain. We can’t be perfect but we can work to keep the stains to a minimum. Truth comes in many forms and does not support our systems in place. Conformity to society is essential to keep this broken system working the way it does. Sometimes there is a tipping point in some situation that can be life changing. That happens every now and again. I have asked the department to stop this project, and while I doubt that my voice alone will help or stop anything. What I do know is that you all have had a wounding experience while in school and kept silent about it just to get through it. I know in my heart that students see and experience many things that are painful and confusing while being taught how to conform to societies rules in order to be deemed successful. I’m half a century old and some battle you fight some you walk away from. It will all come full circle in the end this I know this to be true.
While I can’t make the project stop dead in its tracks, I can say that I hope the students realize how painful this is to be used as a lab rat to 400 hundred students. At least a lab rat is in the lab when it is being dissected me I have nowhere near that privilege. Can anyone walk in my shoes with 400 assessments, diagnoses and treatment plans and still feel whole? Do you really think I want to be the identified lab rat using my real name and my life as told by another for this project? We could have figured out a way to do it if I had been approached before it started and been involved so you could know the real me. Not Helen’s version of my misinterpreted emotions that she assumed I was feeling. Really she victimizes me more than how I see myself. I was too mentally unstable at the time of the interview to relook at her work for editing so she printed it the way she saw fit. She is an example of someone who has gained much from military women’s pain through exploitation. If Columbia is allowed to do this it will set precedence for other universities to do the same?, if it’s not happening already. Not cool !!!
There will be many instances in which you will be asked to turn away from what is happening to someone for the sake of the system you will be operating under. Some of you will do it but all of you will think about it. Some of you will be called trouble makers for not allowing the system to remain broken and rise to the occasion. It takes courage, passion and conviction to be a damn good social worker. Fear is not part of the equation. The lives of many people will be impacted by your acts, as my life story is in the hands of 400 students. Do you think the diagnoses and assessments won’t affect me? Would it affect anyone who has that many (400) diagnosis treatment plans????? Isn’t this available to other students? Like for public use???? How many of you like going to one therapist knowing your info is in that folder?
I personally feel that students should be refunded their money and that the university be held accountable for not realizing that using a person with their real name and life told by another be the subject of scrutiny as being unethical. This is very is very disheartening to me to know that Columbia University breaks the very rules they teach.
Admiration for my life means nothing if no one has learned from it. I am always told how much I am respected; does this act seem respectful to the students? I was told a long time ago that I needed to be the example of the life I wanted around me and while there were times in my life I didn’t respect myself once I understood this I have worked to become the example to my family, my community and to all my relations. This includes every student whose life I have touched whether it was directly or indirectly. I will say the same to all of you; be the example of what you want around in your lives.
You are all the future. Your work in the world will affect all nine of my grandchildren and the next seven generations to follow. That is if we survive on the planet that long. There are 400 hundred voices and I have accepted to come and speak as I have been invited by the university to the graduation ceremony for the closing for now anyway. Feeling quite a bit tokenized by this last minute invitation. They may retract the invitation once they read the letter I will be sending them. I would still like to come none the less.
I will speak truth to power whether there are other voices speaking next to me or whether I am alone. I don’t know how to do it any different anymore. I will respect the choices every student makes; for some the fear will be too great to face. For others money will be the deciding factor. Some of you will stand and be heard and will feel the grips of the system tugging at your core and your own knowing. Those of you who step up will feel the power of true freedom. But alas all choices have a price to pay. I have paid mine and the students will have to carry this in their heart from this day forward. I promise that you will walk away with a memory to last a lifetime. Everyone gets to choose which memory they will hold in their hearts.
I cannot tell anyone what is the right thing to do. Each person must make that choice for themselves. I am very grateful for your support and I can assure you this is a life lesson for all those involved. Social Work addresses justice as one of the many facets of the work. I work for Peace. There is no Peace if there is no justice.
Perhaps this is nothing more to be done but how does the university make it right and how do we make sure it never happens again? How will the students make this right? I don’t want 400 stories about me from people who don’t even know me and will meet me after it’s all over. I should have been formally invited a long time ago before this ever got started. Not at the end. Sending all the students blessings at this moment for your lives and for your futures.
Peace.
Eli PaintedCrow
Eli PaintedCrow
SFC US Army Ret.
Advocate for Peace, Advocate for Soldiers